This weekend, we were aching for some time away from the 2 Fast 2 Furious 2 Polluted life of Shanghai. But instead of following the Chinese tourist route, aka heading out to the nearest holy mountain to climb up cement steps behind rows of fellow Chinese with the same brilliant idea, we went the expat route… Moganshan.
Moganshan, a gorgeous mountain range covered in green bamboo forests and charmingly cozy Chinese villages, has been a hideaway for foreigners since colonial days. Would going out there make us the 21st-century equivalents of English capitalist roadsters? Probs. But it was worth it. Becky’s Quick Moganshan Itinerary…
Step One: Wait in ridiculously long lines for train tickets to Hangzhou. It’s your fault that you waited until the day before to buy tickets on the weekend of another arbitrary Chinese festival. So stand shoulder-to-shoulder with stressed-out Chinese citizens wanting to get home and ready to roll their eyes when they hear you butcher their language as you buy tickets.
Step Two: Take a scarringly fast cab ride from Hangzhou train station out to Moganshan. Yes, it’s pitch-dark. And yes, the road is curvier than Kim Kardashian’s bottom-half. But your cab driver says he’s been driving this road for 22 years and that he can drive this fast even with his eyes closed no problem. Encourage him not to close his eyes.
Step Three: Stop holding your breath when you arrive at your job-droppingly beautiful abode for the weekend. We suggest Prodigy Outdoor, an amazingly beautiful lodge complete with a warm stone fireplace, scrumptious local Chinese cooking, tons of friendly outdoor guides to take you out biking / climbing / hiking / swimming / moving in general, a tea terrace on which to do morning yoga, and their very own homemade grappa. Yes please!
(Or if on a less restricted budget stay in beautiful eco-friendly cabins at Naked Retreats. We’re intending to coax our parents into going here. And no it’s not a nudist colony.)
Step Four: Spend all day hiking or biking through the bamboo infested mountains. Don’t bother to follow the path. You’re gonna get lost anyways. But this way you’ll have time to take in the beautiful bamboo scenery, cheer on the characters of Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon fighting atop the canopy, and make up your own horror film trailer about zombie Chinese gymnasts attacking innocent foreign daytrippers after they get lost in a remote bamboo forest bum bum bum…
(S, about to confirm my long-kept assumption that, yes, she can fly.)
Step Five: Exhausted from a day of hiking, return to your beautiful lodge for a hearty Chinese village-style meal. Lots of veggies and chicken so good you’ll ignore the fact that you heard it bawking out its last desperate farewells an hour earlier.
Step Six: Retire to the fire pit for the night. Glass of red wine in one hand, young Chinese child in the chair next to you asking you to teach him English words, & a large group of inebriated hipster co-workers in front of you, awkwardly indie-dancing to the local London radio station blaring from their Macbooks. Couldn’t get much better… even for China.
Step Seven: Return home. Plan your return trip asap.
